Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
