I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
this is an emotional support booty call
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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