Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
