Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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