Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
