just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
