So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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