Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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