you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
