You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
