So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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