It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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