omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
