kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
