I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
