We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
