Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
