imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo