Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow