Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.