So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.