omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.