So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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