I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
