I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
