i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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