I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
