I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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