More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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