K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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