a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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