If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
now i know why i became what i already was.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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