Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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