before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
