He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
