I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
