so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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