I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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