I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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