Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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