Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....