If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.