Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!