I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.