When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
