Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
