you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.