I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
