Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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