I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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