I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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