Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm always down for nudity.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
