her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
