I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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