Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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