I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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