Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
