so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
