by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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