dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
