when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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