after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
