Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
