found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
