Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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