omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
