If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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