You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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