there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
