Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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