your parents love me but you hate me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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