Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i dont even know how to be here
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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