I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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