Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
