It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize