I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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