watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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