My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
