After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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