Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
