Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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