can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
