If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
