And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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