I want to have your abortion
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
